sit on the edge of sanity, cold and naked, until the water is as hot as
fresh-baked cookies. shampoo. and you wonder how the bubbles
get rid of grease suddenly remembering how they used dawn dish soap
to clean up the baby ducks from the oil spill, but only the blue kind,
because that’s somehow more special than the other colors.
bubbles clean ducks, bubbles clean hair, now that’s
killing two birds with one stone, but that’s a rather cruel metaphor
for two harmless birds who probably did nothing to deserve it. conditioner.
two hummingbirds tweet away about the pleasures of bird-life, and a
vile, brace-faced youth fires a rock like a tank of war. the birds fall and
with more metaphors of this nature, all of the hummingbirds will die off
(in pairs of two of course). forget global warming, the biggest threat to nature is
those damn metaphors. you brush the conditioner into your hair because
that’s what that one hair-dresser told you to do back when you were twelve and she
accidentally dyed your hair orange. body wash. but that was back when you
went to susan, and she always offered you wine even though
she knew you were far too young but it made you feel special because
the only time you’ve had wine was in church — excuse me, it was
the blood of christ. face wash. “hey jude” comes on the shower radio
and you begin to cry – maybe because of the soap in your eyes,
maybe because your boyfriend broke up with you
three months ago, around the same time he started dating her
and the song isn’t even about ex-boyfriends but it’s sad
and so are you. razor. because formal is tomorrow even though your dress
makes you look like a plum because the clerk said you look good in purple
but nobody looks good in purple. your whole routine is done but
you stand there a little longer and let the water burn your skin and you watch
it turn red just like your face when that one professor calls on you every time you
reach for your chapstick and suddenly your roommate is knocking and
time is running out but who is she to have the right because
when’s the last time she cleaned out the drain.
