“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”
Greed – “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more” (Ephesians 4: 19)
“Let’s play war,” I suggested knowing Camden loved a good card game, “but let’s make it more interesting. You win and you get one of my stuffed animals; I win, and I get one of yours.” Anticipation oozed from my pores. I had a very specific caramel colored dog in mind. It was the size of a tennis ball and plush like a marshmallow – everything a seven-year-old could dream of.
“I love war!” He had the lisp that most five-year-olds have, making the “R” sound like a “W.”
I dealt the cards that I had carefully ordered, making sure to give him the first. We began. Nine and seven, I win. Eight and three, I win. Six and nine, I lose. I couldn’t make it too obvious. The game continued as I had planned. Ten and five. King and four. Ace and jack. Win! Win! Win!
I even had him give up an ace in war – it was a six tie, three cards down, five and four, I win. He gave up an ace, ten, and queen as the down-cards. Unfortunate.
The game lasted fifteen minutes, playing out like clockwork. After my victory, I ran to Camden’s room, beaming with excitement. The stairs had never been taller, the hall had never been longer, and there it was! The Holy Grail. I cradled it gently, satisfied in what now belonged to me.
Camden was overwhelmed with grief. “Please, please don’t take him!”
“A deal is a deal.” I skipped to my room, admired my devious craft, placed the little dog on my bed, and named him “fluffy.”
Wrath – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a hard word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
“Hey Rachyl, uh, what are you doing?” My dad stood on the porch with confusion and caution on his face. I looked up at the porch light illuminating his hesitation. The sun had set but it wasn’t quite dark yet, and the sky was on fire.
“Just,” I paused, careful with my explanation, “getting some anger out.”
Wood pieces floated in the air and dead leaves drifted down. “On the trees?” He asked.
“Yeah, on the trees.” My voice waivered.
“Alright,” he said, sounding more like another question than an answer.
I took that as my cue to leave. I stepped through the jagged tree branches and thick leaves, careful not to scratch my bare legs, and dropped the baseball bat on the cold garage floor.
Lust – “But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:14-15)
My ribs vibrated to the rhythm of the music. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. It was dark. There was no one on stage but the music continued. Smoke puffs rose from the crowd at intervals and it became clear that every man brought a date named Mary Jane. A single white light found the stage and the crowd sounded, slow at first, but within a few seconds the sound filled the night.
I grabbed the hand of a boy near me. He was tall, confident, and wearing a Georgia Tech shirt (so probably smart too). He acted before I could explain and swung me around to the beat of the music. In that moment, we were connected. Neither of us led or followed because we just knew.
We danced and laughed until we were no longer strangers, led by the gospel of vile lyrics. We were two people in the same place at the same time feeling the same thing: a rush of adrenaline, a sense of belonging, ignorance, youthfulness, ecstasy, and just a bit of a buzz. In the short amount of time I spent with that boy, I felt completely connected, and completely free.
Laziness – “The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway” (Proverbs 15:19)
The image of Meredith Grey faded from my screen. Like a black mirror, I saw my reflection in the computer – triple chin, eye bags, and shine from my unwashed hair. I reached for the arrow meant to take me away, but before I could click, her voice sounded again. What’s another 45 minutes?
Envy – “Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation” (1 Peter 2: 1-2)
“What does that sign say?” My mom turned from the front seat.
“Ummmm, I don’t know. I can’t read it,” I answered.
“What does this menu say?”
“Not sure.”
“Can you read the screen?”
“No.”
I’ve always felt the need to copy. Whether it be tracing over Bethany’s handwriting until it was identical, bringing a photo of Blake Lively to my hair stylist saying, “I want this,” or reading the same books as my friends, I was a follower. When I was in elementary school, everyone had glasses. Impaired vision was the latest fashion trend! And I wanted it.
For months, I deliberately squinted at menus, zoomed in on computers, and read slower than usual. I was a natural blind person.
My acting finally secured an appointment with the higher power, the eye doctor. As I sat in the white chair with white walls, a friendly man performed an eye exam on me.
“Yes, that’s blurry, no that’s not.” This is the moment! I am finally getting glasses so I could be like everyone else!
He stepped back, smiled at my mom, and delivered the verdict, “She’s 20/20.”
Gluttony – “for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags” (Proverbs 23:21)
“Haaaaappy biiiiiirthday dear Katie, haaaappy biiiiirthday to youuuuu!” I stood in the kitchen, cheering and singing, surrounded by strangers. I didn’t know this house, I didn’t know its owner, and I didn’t know Katie.
Drunken college students bustled around me, yelling at each other from across the room and shifting to say hello to everyone they knew. I stood in the middle like the motionless sun watching planets circle and stars explode.
I learned a long time ago that sipping excuses silence, because you can’t talk with a straw in your mouth. I smiled like I was enjoying myself, laughed when someone near me made a joke, and fit myself into the nearest group of people, all with a straw between my teeth.
There comes a point in drinking strawberry lemonade Svedka that it only tastes like strawberry lemonade. The people were prettier, the jokes were funnier, and I became radiant. There was a direct correlation between sips and happiness, and all was looking up!
Until it came up. Just a few minutes later, I found myself standing in the gravel driveway, leaning on a picket fence, with new stains on my sandals. I bent down, and over and over again choked up Svedka and stomach acid. Supportive drunk girls yelled “it’s okay” and “you’re alright” while Katie held my hair in one hand and her birthday crown in the other.
Pride – “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18)
My tie-dyed school spirit shirt dripped ice-cold water down my legs as I got out from the dunk tank. This was the day I had been looking forward to: field day in eighth grade. Elementary and middle school students ran across the soccer field covered in mud and grass. There were endless games from tug of war to inflatable races to dunk tanks, in which the eighth graders were the dummies.
After my shift, I reunited with my friends on the baseball field. I immediately put my hair in a pony tail because at my school, it was only acceptable to wear your hair down if it was pin-straight. I don’t have naturally pin-straight hair. I rolled my shorts once and tied my shirt with a hair tie, finally looking put together again.
We sat by the fence with the rest of our grade, gossiping and giggling because we could; after all, we were the “leaders of the school,” as we’d been told so many times. We were the cool kids now.
My mom started to walk towards us. Crap, I thought.
My mom and I’s relationship had never been as bad as it was in eighth grade. I yelled at her, degraded her, and threw tantrums when I couldn’t find the perfect dress at the mall. I only saw her as someone standing in my way.
“Hi girls,” she said smiling from ear to ear. “Can I get a picture of you guys.”
Within a second, I became enraged. How could she embarrass me like that! She has no place near my friends, or near my conversations. My entire body became hot and I looked her in the eyes and burst, “get out of my face!”
In that moment, her smile faded, and her chin scrunched up like mine does sometimes. Her eyes filled with tears and she turned around. Her energy and vibrancy left her, and she was empty.
But I felt nothing, because it was her fault.
When I was in eighth grade, my mom volunteered to run all of field day. She went to meetings for weeks, coordinated volunteers, planned the games, and took off work to spend time at my school. That year, she got a picture of all my friends, but without me in it.
